Sheriff Coop: A woman's suffering is not a funny thing, Bertie.
Bret Maverick: There are exceptions...

Annabelle Bransford: There isn't a Mrs. Maverick is there?
Bret Maverick: Oh I'm sure I would have remembered.

The Archduke: What's greatest Western thrill of all?
Joseph: Kill Indians!
The Archduke: Kill Indians? Is it legal?
Joseph: Oh, white man been doing it for years!

Bret Maverick: I've only got one gun, that's 6 bullets. They're six, that's 36 bullets. Maybe they've got two guns, that's 72 bullets, maybe they've got rifles...
Annabelle Bransford: You're babbling!
Bret Maverick: No I wasn't!

Bret Maverick: Oh, you sure do pick the spots!
Joseph: Yeah, I know. You know the next time you people come and drive us off our land I'm gonna find a nice piece of swamp that's so God-awful, maybe then you'll leave us the hell alone!

Bret Maverick: See that hawk? You know what it means?
Annabelle Bransford: No. What does it mean?
Bret Maverick: Nothing! But you didn't know that, did you?

Annabelle Bransford: What's with you and Indians anyway?
Bret Maverick: Oh nothing, I try to shoot one every day before noon, how about you Coop? I figured it was their fault too... for being on our land when we got here.

Bret Maverick: From the moment I slapped eyes on this hombre, I smelled trouble. And re-fried beans.

Bret Maverick: So, are you gonna miss me?
Annabelle Bransford: Are you gonna miss me?
Bret Maverick: You ARE gonna miss me!

Bret Maverick: Now, there's something I want you to do for me.
Annabelle Bransford: Never. I am a lady. Not if you were a hundred years old, not if I was a hundred years old -
Bret Maverick: Calm down, lady. I don't want to sleep with you.
Annabelle Bransford: Why not?
Bret Maverick: Why not? Who knows what parts of me you'd steal next. I'd wake up with all sorts of things missing.

[Just like in Lethal Weapon and its sequels]
Bank Robber: I'm getting too old for this s--t.

Bret Maverick: Lord...whatever I've done to piss you off...if you could just get me out of this and somehow let me know what it was I promise to rectify the situation.

Annabelle Bransford: If I can't touch you, I can touch your shirt and dream.